We extend our heartfelt compassion to the thousands of Alabamians who suffered such devastating losses in the April 27 tornadoes that swept across our state. Community Grief Support Service is teaming with The Amelia Center and other member agencies of The Grief & Loss Coalition of Birmingham to mobilize assistance for those throughout North Central Alabama who lost loved ones in the devastation. Dates and locations for community-wide meetings in June and July for bereaved survivors in Jefferson, Walker, St. Clair and Tuscaloosa counties will be posted on our website.
Meanwhile, we offer you the free resources of Community Grief Support Services – individual, couples and family counseling, support groups, and educational programs. Simply call us at 205.870.8667 for more information or for an appointment.
What is important to remember about grief brought on by sudden, traumatic loss?
Survivors not only experience varying intensities and dimensions of grief over the loss of loved ones, property, employment, and social identity (to name but several), but have also been exposed to varying degrees of trauma.
Bereavement expert Dr. Therese Rando defines trauma as “an event, perceived to be inescapable, that confronts a person with actual or threatened death or serious injury (physical or psychological) to the self or other.” This trauma “overwhelms the person’s coping abilities, creates helplessness, anxiety, fear and other types of psychological distress, violates the person’s assumptive world, and stimulates physical reactions stemming from built-in fight, flight or freeze reactions.” She describes the symptoms below:
Typical symptoms of people suffering from traumatic bereavement
Anger
Anxiety, fear and panic
Avoidance, numbing and forgetting
Diminished self-concern
Disorganization, depression and despair
Dissociation
Grief spasms
Guilt and shame
Holding on to your loved one
Impaired mental functioning
“Losing it”
Physical reactions, such as hyperarousal and a sensitized nervous system
Re-experiencing the loss
Searching for death-related information
Searching, avoidance, addictive and/ or compulsive behaviors
Shattered assumptive world and loss of meaning
Sorrow, separation pain, longing and searching
What is important to know about these “symptoms”?
1. They are completely normal.
2. They also have communicative value.
These symptoms are Nature’s way of inviting us to slow down, moderate our pace of living, take plenty of time for ourselves and lessen or avoid participating in activities that don’t promote rest, recovery and healing.
Survivors of traumatic loss are, in the beginning, understandably preoccupied with mobilizing resources for physical and emotional survival. Accessing medical care, securing housing, food and clothing, planning funeral and memorial services, attending to legal and financial concerns and other needs take precedence over emotional and spiritual self-care – at least for a time.
The shock or “numbness” that mourners experience during bereavement is normally more intense and can last substantially longer for those who have incurred traumatic loss. This experience has also been described as being on “autopilot” and is Nature’s way of protecting us from the overwhelming impact of the trauma and loss. Some experts believe that this shock can last for six months or longer, depending upon the severity of the trauma, the nature of the loss, the nature of one’s relationship to the deceased, and other factors.
What can impact a mourner’s capacity to heal?
Two key factors can have a dramatic impact on a mourner’s capacity to heal:
1. One’s coping style (“active coping” – making use of internal and external resources, as opposed to “avoidant coping”)
2. The responsiveness or quality of one’s circle of support. It is important that caregivers be exceptionally patient, kind and supportive of traumatic loss survivors for months and sometimes years from the onset of loss: they will require compassionate and understanding support “over the long haul.”
Traumatic loss – a dual challenge!
Traumatic loss survivors are faced with the twin challenge of healing from trauma and loss simultaneously. Since this can overwhelm an individual’s or a family’s capacity to heal (“the pressure cooker” phenomenon), professional intervention may be the best way to help reduce the intensity of the trauma symptoms and to allow the healing mourning process to begin. Community Grief Support can assist those who struggle with this challenging type of bereavement.
Survivors must ask for what they need!
We cannot overemphasize how important it is for survivors to ask for the support they need – whether material, financial, legal, emotional or spiritual. It is likewise essential that caregivers be proactive, anticipate needs, and offer support to survivors – in other words, to take the initiative.
You are not alone -- we’re here to walk the journey with you!
The staff and volunteers of Community Grief Support Service are committed to providing a full array of resources for the hurting, traumatized, bereaved survivors of April 27. Feel free to call on us for support – 205.870.8667.
Steve Sweatt, LPC/LMFT
Clinical Director
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